Confessions of a Recovering Relationship Conformist: Part 2

Who’s seeking what?


stocksnap_3i2subqy6xJust to recap, I don’t believe most men want to be or seek out a serious relationship.  They need to be convinced or persuaded that the relationship with you is better than the alternative.  Now don’t confuse this with trickery and manipulation, that’s definitely not what I’m referring to.  I mean that it’s not natural for them to want it, therefore they have to be shown by your actions, by your very person that being in a relationship with you is something to be desired.  Most women on the other hand, do desire and seek out a relationship naturally; no convincing necessary (often why we find ourselves in the wrong relationship; a discussion for another day).

I’m a woman who doesn’t seek out or desire a relationship naturally.

To reiterate what I mentioned in part 1, if you feel the same or question how ‘natural’ this construct is, know that there is nothing wrong with you and that you are not alone in this feeling.

I enjoy my own company and alone time.  I truly mean it that when I say that.  Of course, it certainly make things enjoyable when you have a partner to go to the movies with, or go hiking, to do the mundane activities of life like grocery shopping, to talk to every night when you come home, to warm your bed, to have sex with regularly.

Having a partner can make those activities fun, make life interesting but that’s not to say that any of those activities are not enjoyable or less valuable with a friend, with your dog or by yourself.

I very much enjoy a ‘romantic’ date night at the movies with my BFF.  I can have the best time hiking with my dog Gannicus; experiencing how happy he is to be in the presence of other animals, to sniff and roll in all the interesting scents.  I actually enjoy the peacefulness of grocery shopping early in the morning when few other shoppers are out, while listening to my latest Spotify playlist.  As much as I love cuddling, I also appreciate being able to starfish on the entire bed and having all the covers for myself.  Plus let’s be honest, you don’t always get regular sex in a relationship either.

A relationship can also provide you with a partner to support and help you achieve your goals and you in turn do the same for them.  Yes, it’s amazing to have a partner to back you in your decisions, to be there for you when things don’t go as planned, but for me not necessary.  I’m lucky enough to be innately ambitious and intrinsically motivated to achieve my goals.  I’m blessed enough to have good friends in my life to remind me that everything will be okay when life gets live.

In part 1, I mentioned that I’ve only recently become open to the concept, “You just haven’t found the right one yet.”  I’m considering the ideal situational that would render that statement true and will share in a future post.  To be clear, I’m more than fine and will thrive regardless of if I meet this ‘right one‘ or not, and so will you.

Do you think it’s important to find joy in life’s activities as an individual?  Do you think it’s possible to be just as happy both in and not in a relationship?

Author: thirtysomethingsinglevegan

Twitter: @JanelleJuteram Instagram: janellejuteram Snapchat: jveronique

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