Confessions of a Recovering Relationship Conformist: Part 3

Is there a happier?


stocksnap_49ja3pcv2xNo, I don’t desire a relationship naturally.  I’ve realized that like most men (see part 2), I need to be convinced that the relationship is better than the alternative.  That my life would be happier, enriched, more fulfilling if I were in the relationship and that the relationship has the same effect on my partner’s life.

Here lies the challenge:  I make the best of every situation and design what I can of my life for maximum happiness.  I’m resilient and accept that challenges in life better prepare me to appreciate the good.  I know that no matter how dire the situation may be, its temporary.  Eventually I will get through it and be better for it.

I’m ambitious and I’ve also found the sweet spot where I can be present and feel fulfilled at every stage of the process.  This makes it difficult to see the relationship as better than the alternative.

I work to accept the things I can’t change, I work to change those that I can and I work to understand the difference between the two (yes, I’m getting all spiritual).  I’m happy.  Being happy with my present life (and I assure you, it’s not a ‘fake it til you make it thing’), makes it difficult for me to imagine that I could be any happier in a relationship.  Now because you don’t know me that well I will clarify: when I say that I’m happy, I don’t mean content with all facets of my life, with no intention of personal, professional, spiritual growth.  I don’t mean that at all.  That couldn’t be further from my values.  I mean that I find joy in life even with my life in a state of transition.  I’ve accepted the pursuit of happiness as the journey rather than just the destination.

 Can I actually be happier in a relationship?  I don’t know that I could and because I don’t have that innate desire to be in one, I’m not motivated to seek one out.

I try to imagine under what circumstances I could be drawn towards being in a relationship.  An interesting term comes to mind… Whipped.  Hear me out first before you start jumping to conclusions.  The negative connotation of the word is usually used to describe a man who is completely controlled by his partner.  His friends may tease him about it and yes often times the woman is controlling and not in a positive way.  But I would define being whipped differently.  I see it not as relinquishing your power over to your partner, but finding yourself with someone who because of their very nature makes you want to do things for them that you wouldn’t do for anyone else.  Inspires you to do things that aren’t natural to you.  So what or rather who, would inspire me to do things that aren’t natural to me?  I need to think about it some more.

What do you think?  Does being happy now make it challenging to imagine an even happier state of being?

Author: thirtysomethingsinglevegan

Twitter: @JanelleJuteram Instagram: janellejuteram Snapchat: jveronique

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