So I’m in a bit of a funk. I’ve gone back and forth about writing and posting this because I don’t want to push negative vibez out into the world. At the same time, I want to be honest.
I don’t want to pretend like everything is always aspirational and motivational AF over here.
Cuz it damn sure isn’t.
I’ve been burnt out before but that’s not what this is. This is different. I have ZERO energy. Well relatively no energy in comparison to the last few months. I don’t feel like talking to anyone or going out anywhere unless I absolutely have to. I don’t feel like doing the things that usually make me happy; like fucking and eating (I’m a simple girl). I don’t feel like working on business shit because I just don’t have the motivation. It’s like my tank is on empty. No my tank disappeared. So I just have enough in the lines to get through the task at hand and then I’m done.
It’s not the same as burnout. This is boredom.
Boredom is way fucking scarier than burnout. No amount of sweet temptations or promises can save me from this monster.
I was on a high for a while. 2017 has been good things (and bad things), but lots of good things & progress to make up for the bad. In the last little while, I’ve hit a wall. Not even close to a subtle kind of way. I mean like I was going 130 km per hour on the 401 and smashed into the back of a transport truck.
I’ve been telling myself that I need time. To just wait it out and it will go away; like any other time before. I’m realizing that it’s not going to be like that this time. Nawww. This time I need a plan.
What kind of plan? Well I’m not 100% there yet but I’m certain it involves changing things up a lot. It requires breaking the monotony that has been my life the last little while.
For starters my workouts are stale. I’ve been resistance band training since May. Lots of progress but yah, I’m bored AF. I’ve gone from training 6 days a week to 4 if I’m lucky. So I’m testing a new workout app this week. Food – I’ve been reintroducing more carbs to see how that makes me feel. Social – Fuck I should probably go out and see my friends who I’ve been avoiding.
So that’s how far I got. Just thinking it out loud I can’t lie, I do feel a bit better. Anyway, like I said – it’s okay to not be ON all the time but I’m not staying here.